There are so many things that I am afraid of. This maybe because I am not getting any younger. Not even my kids could stop my growing old. They too are growing older and no one of us could do anything to control time. This is more intensified by the fact that they are already starting to build their own identity in their field of interests. And before I would know it, others may have watched them showcase their talents, skills and brilliance which I have not witnessed. This is because my two older kids do not stay with me most of the time. It’s only my two younger kids ages 9 and 10 who does. That’s why I could not even recall the number of times that I have helped them do their homework, helped them do their difficult tasks in school and attended their school meetings more often. I am afraid they would blame me for their poor performance in class.
I am also afraid that they would charge me for negligence because of the so many times that I wasn’t able to attend to their needs. It is not because that I do not want to but because of distance. This guilt inside me is haunting me like a ghost. How I wished that life for all of us could not have been too difficult. That we can see each other more often and make distance not a barrier towards our togetherness. But unfortunately, this was even aggravated by the increase in price of fuel wherein we could not visit them more often than we wish. We have to adopt thrifty measures that would make our means meet our ends. This even required greater sacrifice on our part and our children.
I am also afraid of their growing old so fast. This is because I have not given them the best time of my time. The time spent with them was merely what was left after work, studying and doing things for others. I have been preoccupied with trying to look for additional income to satisfy the basic needs of my family. Everything was put on my shoulder. I could not expect my husband to do his share because there are only few things that he can do. But I’m grateful in his biggest contribution for doing household chores.
Even continuing education up to the doctorate is still hampering my desire to double time for the missed time I have spent with my kids. I am afraid they would blame me for not giving them proper guidance in their difficulties in life. They just commended themselves for their accomplishments. As a matter of fact it is just right that full credit should be given to them. Only providing them with financial resources was our ultimate share.
I am also afraid of having no food to eat whenever I am hungry. This makes me impoverished in the eyes of others. This is because I do not have the things that I used to have like sumptuous meals and a lot of choices in the foods I eat. This would even make me feel so miserable. I am afraid of losing my family maybe because I fear of families separating. I have greater value for families that remain in tact through test of time. This is the reason why I try to patch things up during petty quarrels with my husband. I am afraid that if I would not do so things would even turn worst that patching up and reconciliation would be very impossible.
I am likewise afraid of retiring maybe because of the traumatic experiences that most retirees tell. The fear of getting sick without money to pay for my medication and the taught of having no one to turn to ask for help are among the things that I feared of. It is just too sad that many people experienced these too. Lastly, I’m afraid of not having too many accomplishments. Daddy would not be happy for that and even other people. This is because they have high aspirations for me. I am afraid to disappoint them that even though I have given my best in whatever undertakings I make things would still be mediocre and substandard.
Apart from all these fears I hope and pray that God is always there to watch my husband my children and me. To forever protect us from harm, illnesses and from disintegration. And, that we may forever be together no matter what, through good times and bad times. I ardently pray that God give me the strength to overcome my fears. Because I firmly believe that putting God in the center of my family would intensify our faith in God. This would release me from my fears and worries. Then and then I could say fear no more for God would always be there to give guidance and assurance that in the saddest moment of our lives it is there when he would carry us.
I am also afraid of having no food to eat whenever I am hungry. This makes me impoverished in the eyes of others. This is because I do not have the things that I used to have like sumptuous meals and a lot of choices in the foods I eat. This would even make me feel so miserable. I am afraid of losing my family maybe because I fear of families separating. I have greater value for families that remain in tact through test of time. This is the reason why I try to patch things up during petty quarrels with my husband. I am afraid that if I would not do so things would even turn worst that patching up and reconciliation would be very impossible.
I am likewise afraid of retiring maybe because of the traumatic experiences that most retirees tell. The fear of getting sick without money to pay for my medication and the taught of having no one to turn to ask for help are among the things that I feared of. It is just too sad that many people experienced these too. Lastly, I’m afraid of not having too many accomplishments. Daddy would not be happy for that and even other people. This is because they have high aspirations for me. I am afraid to disappoint them that even though I have given my best in whatever undertakings I make things would still be mediocre and substandard.
Apart from all these fears I hope and pray that God is always there to watch my husband my children and me. To forever protect us from harm, illnesses and from disintegration. And, that we may forever be together no matter what, through good times and bad times. I ardently pray that God give me the strength to overcome my fears. Because I firmly believe that putting God in the center of my family would intensify our faith in God. This would release me from my fears and worries. Then and then I could say fear no more for God would always be there to give guidance and assurance that in the saddest moment of our lives it is there when he would carry us.
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